June 18, 2020

7:57pm, in front of the Merrick Barn on JHU Homewood campus, Baltimore, MD

No rage today. I feel somewhat at a loss for words. I feel as though the pointer fingers had great significance today. Pointing something out. Pointing the finger of blame. Pointing inward. Pointing outward. Energetically releasing through my distal ends, my fingertips. It feels good to be barefoot. I know I am frustrated with myself for many reasons. The feeling of sweat as it cools my skin. Feeling seen but not heard. Sitting in discomfort. Allowing for release. Reflecting on words and actions. Wrestling with addiction trying to get air time. Contemplating the future with excitement, terror, and ambivalence. Nearly half way done with this project but no where near a time marker for life. Day one hundred seventy.